Retreat April 13th-17th 2023
An intimate & vulnerable blog/vlog by Jenny Tecklenburg
As I begin to write this blog, my nerves run high, but my heart feels open. I'm unsure if being so vulnerable is a wise choice. My heart says yes, and my mind is in fear. Isn't that always the case, heart vs. mind? How does my mind decide what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' anyways? My life experience and learnings have created my judgments on right and wrong. It's the conditioning I have received from society, people I respect, and situations I have witnessed. As I grow older and experience more authentic experiences with people who don't fear showing their emotions, especially the ones that society can criticize and judge, I begin to feel more of a calling to be real as fuck. Yes, I'm swearing, and it feels fucking good. Haha. I never try to offend or disrespect those who read or watch my stuff. My tone is always that of love and humor.
This is a reminder that no one is making you read or watch this. You have the power to stop now.
As I write this 2 days after returning, my biggest takeaway from this retreat is seeing Jenny's power. The practices in this 4-day jam-packed retreat peeled back so many layers and unblocked so much that I'm now faced with seeing my personal power more clearly. I am humbled and proud that I have a high level of influence, like many humans.
I have felt this for a while now, decades, actually. In elementary school, I started noticing people looking up at me. Like I had all the answers. My natural energy, still to this day, is competence and acting on things regardless of whether I knew how. I just moved forward and did it. I start messy and clean up as I go. I have recognized that only a few people have this power. It's like I have always felt the support of a higher power. I always know everything will work out. I don't think twice. As I entered adolescence and adulthood, it became more evident because I seem to take the path less traveled, saying yes to many experiences others don't. This has always put more eyes on me, making me the target of judgment, criticism, and, more importantly, influence. This retreat really reminded me of this. Yes, there will be people who judge, criticize and don't like how I live my life, but guess what - there will also be people who gain inspiration and 'fuck yes' energy from my influence. I experienced so much support in this retreat. It solidified something that I truly live for; Life is not about how much you can achieve but how you can show up & inspire others to say yes to life. I genuinely love celebrating humans who say yes to life and take radical responsibility for creating their dream life. This is not about me. This is about my soul's desire & natural power to influence. It's time to use this vessel of my human body and voice to help others. Period.
This influence I have on people is one of my most significant gifts. I either trigger the shit out of people, allowing them to see the areas that need to be worked on, or I empower and inspire them to go after the life they want. I have to make peace with this because the highs and lows this power has gifted me have helped me find a greater purpose in my life. I thank these people, I thank them for using me to navigate their own life. For good and for bad. For right and for wrong. Now I will bring down more walls, bring forward my heart and take the chances of triggering and/or inspiring those who come in contact with me by speaking up and playing BIG. This is where my soul wants to be right now.
I have this retreat to thank for helping me bring down those final walls. Those walls that feared not being liked. If I don't start using my powers now, I will not be following my purpose. I will not be living in alignment with who and how I want to show up in this one life I have on earth. Thank you, Yum School of Tantra, for helping me see this and to walk towards the fire of my internal fear of speaking my truth.
As you will witness in my video diary, this retreat was mainly inner work. This work in the Tantra world is known as White Tantra. We did incorporate some sexual healing as well, which is known as Pink Tantra. These practices were quite challenging and triggering for me. I see triggers as gifts, and I now lean into them instead of running away from them.